Life and Times of Lloyd Dupont

A short story of nearly everything...

Irish Joke

clock March 17, 2009 18:33 by author lloyd

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

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The beauty of motherhood

clock March 16, 2009 03:54 by author lloyd

Motherhood in the Animal Kingdom…

On the riverbank…

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In the Arctic …

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In Africa …

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In India …

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In the Ocean…

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In Africa …

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In the Arctic …

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In Africa …

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In Africa …

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In the Arctic

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AND FINALLY…

IN LIVERPOOL ..!!

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Doesn’t it bring a tear to your eye and a lump to your throat…?

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Deranged Decades

clock November 17, 2008 17:54 by author lloyd

Me: “Good morning, Dr. ***’s Office, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to make an appointment with Dr. ***. Can I speak with him?”

Me: “Sorry, he’s with a patient right now but if you give me your information, I’ll set up an appointment for you. Are you currently a patient of Dr. ***?”

Caller: “Yes, I was a guinea pig of his when he did lithium experiments on me back in the 1940’s.”

Me: “Um… I think you got your dates wrong. Dr. *** wasn’t born at that time.”

Caller: “Oh, then in the 1950’s. It was in the 1950’s and he and the government were running secret experiments on me at that time.”

Me: “I doubt that, he would have just been a young child at that time.”

Caller: “Then it was the 1960’s, d*** it! It was at the [hospital] in Alberta in the 1960’s.”

Me: “Dr. *** has never practiced in Alberta. He wasn’t even living in Canada at that time.”

Caller: “Are you calling me a LIAR?”

Me: “Well, considering that Dr. *** is my dad, I think I’ll take my word over yours.”

Caller: “Well, then we can’t do business. No, we can’t do any business. Goodbye!” *hangs up*

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3 Irishmen in a graveyard

clock October 29, 2008 17:46 by author lloyd

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

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Shameless

clock October 7, 2008 14:41 by author lloyd

Sample story from Not Always Right.

Customer: “How much is a large popcorn and large drink?”

Me: “That would come to $11.50.”

Customer: “S***! That’s f***ing highway robbery, man! How do you sleep at night?”

Me: “Sir, I work on my feet for 8-hour shifts at minimum wage. I don’t even buy concessions at the movies because they’re so freaking expensive and they don’t pay me enough here to turn around and spend my paycheck back on them.”

Customer: “Good point. I’ll have a medium popcorn and medium soda, please.”

Me: “Would you like to up-size those to larges for just 50 cents each?”

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Obama to save America Shitty Jobs

clock September 26, 2008 04:52 by author lloyd

Great political video news from the Onion Network

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_promises_to_stop_americas

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Quote of the day

clock September 8, 2008 16:41 by author lloyd

A coworker of mine has a little list of funny / insightful "things to know".
I like them all but today I will just mention this one:

 

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

 

 

Ho well, let's put his full list below! smile_omg

  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
  • My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
  • It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
  • Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
  • Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  • No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
  • A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
  • Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
  • Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  • Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
  • There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  • Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • It ain't the jeans that make your arse look fat.
  • If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
  • There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness.".
  • People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  • You should not confuse your career with your life.
  • Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
  • Never lick a steak knife.
  • The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
  • You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  • There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
  • The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
  • A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
  • Your friends love you anyway.
  • Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic !!
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    Let's save the planet

    clock September 3, 2008 05:01 by author lloyd

    You are never too young to start recycling!

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    Linux Power

    clock July 28, 2008 21:26 by author lloyd

    Steve, super-villain, tell us all about it!
    http://ubergeek.tv/article.php?pid=54

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    Scary tracking technology

    clock July 23, 2008 23:50 by author lloyd

    Here we are, in the 21rst century, GPS, phone conversation eaves dropping, black helicopter, you name it! Everyday our freedom is loosing ground to an increasingly widespread and potentially misused technology.

    Scary.

    The latest disempowerment gadget I found out about, and anyone can do it of course, in the sake of materialism all you have to do might be to click some add to use it... "track your partner" as they call themselves, check it out, http://www.trackapartner.com/

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